Sunday.
A cool day, with wind blowing through.
My mathematics, left abandoned on the table, whilst I dream the time away.
The piano, desolate, without its' player.
The mysterious strains of a song going through my mind.

I dream
of my love
and my hopes
my dreams
Lost in a world
beyond this world

Somehow I feel too lazy to do my work today. Time seems to move slowly, and Monday seems far, far away. I can't concentrate. I feel languid. I feel as though I'm here and yet not here.

I think of the future. It seems so distant, so far away. Who knows what will happen in the future? I feel uncertain. All my life, I have always known what I will do. Enter primary school. Continue to secondary. Enter Taylor's/Sunway. Now my life's paths are open for me to choose. Which university? What do I want to become? What do I want to achieve? What will become of me in the future?

After thinking back (and thinking of the Aussie unis' entry requirements) I feel so useless. How do I achieve a TER of 85? Or 90? My grades are not outstanding, nor even good. All that I've achieved are not because of my hardworking skills, but do to my mother's constant nagging. Sometimes I feel so sad to be called 'smart' and 'hardworking', when I am neither. It hurts to be called 'responsible', when in truth I'm not. Many people call me mature. In a way, I feel so sad hearing this. I just want to be a child again, to count on others. I don't think I was ever fully a child. Even as a small girl I would be the one protecting others, helping them. As a PTS student I lost a part of my childhood. Instead of slowing growing up I had to grow fast, learn fast, in order to catch up with my older classmates. Just because I passed a stupid paper in Standard 3 makes people think that I am a bright student, and so I had to work hard to fulfill their expectations.

But I have friends that support me. The people who changed my life, influenced me. Helena, my dear cousin, my confidante. Vivian, a friend who understands. Steph, who cheers me up. The guys, who make me laugh with their jokes. My host family, who were kind enough to host me despite it being last-minute. The friends I made in Spain, who helped me over language difficulties and my ignorance. My classmates, who are more caring than imagined.

Perhaps I shouldn't be scared of the future. Shouldn't be too scared that I will fall. Because somehow, there will be people helping me to get back up. Thank you all, for everything.